Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize