It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
