Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
