she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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