It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
