This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
