Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
