my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
