Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
