Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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