My nipple is on Facebook.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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