You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
