Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
