Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
