ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize