Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
