after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize