It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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