So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
