He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
