you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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