I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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