You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
