we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
