she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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