I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
