Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
