She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
