dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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