Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
