she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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