ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
