Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
