Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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