Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
