I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I supernannyed him into submission
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
