I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize