i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
