Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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