i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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