dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
