He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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