i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm too high and old for this...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
