Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
