he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
