It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
