Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
