it hurts more in the daytime
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he had hair everywhere except his balls
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
