I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
