so explain again why im purple
no
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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