I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
