My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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