i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
