here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I understand Curling. That high.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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