You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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