I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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