Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
