I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
