I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
