Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
