My hair reeks of homosexuality.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
