$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
