So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
