my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
