you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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