Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
