I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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