Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
