Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
