How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
