TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
