i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We need to rekindle our bromance
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
