just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
