So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
