you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
